He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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