grandma shit on top of the toilet
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
