Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
