My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
