I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
