Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
