and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize