eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
