Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
