singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
