...so i touched it.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
