his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
