She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
