i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
