yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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