By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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