And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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