U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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