i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
