sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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