so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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