im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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