The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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