small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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