Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
