you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
