my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Randomize
