I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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