ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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