Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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