They should really pass out barf bags in church
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
