my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Randomize
