lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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