She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
