I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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