He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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