I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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