there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
mondays should just be called national damage control day
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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