i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
