After last night, I could never be a politician.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
