you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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