I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
