he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
