Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
