Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
