well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
