I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
