come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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