You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
