i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
