i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
