What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
