I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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