Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
