i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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