I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
