Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
