capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
