Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
