one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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