I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
