oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
