1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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