It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
