Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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