I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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