i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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