I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
