the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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