Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
