So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
