Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
