What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
