it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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